A LISP programmer knows the value of everything,|but the cost of nothing.
A billion here, a billion there-|pretty soon it adds up to real money!||- Everett Dirkson
A bird in hand is better than one overhead.
A bird in the hand|makes it awfully hard|to blow your nose.
A bird in the hand|is worth what it will bring.
A career is a job that takes about|20 more hours a week.
A clean, neat, and orderly work place|is a sure sign of a sick mind.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
A company is known by the people it employs.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
A dark-haired person will change your life.
A delay may work out to your advantage.
A diamond is just a lump of coal|that made good under pressure.
A father is a banker provided by nature.
A fault recognized is half corrected.
A friend is better than a dollar.
A generation which ignores|history has no past - and no future.
A good memory does not equal pale ink.
A great idea needs landing gear,|not just wings.
A hangover: the wrath of grapes.
A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to|decide who has the better lawyer.
A little Madness in the Spring,|Is wholesome even for the King.||- Emily Dickinson
A lost ounce of gold may be found,|a lost moment of time never.
A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
A man's best friend is his dogma.
A man's homeland is wherever he prospers.||- Aristophanes
A man's house is his hassle.
A man's house is his hassle.
A meeting is...|an event at which the minutes are kept|and the hours are lost.
A motion to adjourn is always in order.
A mouse is an elephant built by the Japanese.
A penny saved is ridiculous.
A pessimist complains about|the noise when opportunity knocks.
A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.
A professor is one who talks|in someone else's sleep.
A promise made is a debt unpaid||- William Shakespeare
A rolling stone gathers momentum.
A second class effort|is a first class mistake.
A ship in harbor is safe-|but that is not what ships are for.||- John A. Shedd
A signature always reveals a man's character-|and sometimes even his name.||- Evan Esar
A small good deed is better|than the grandest intention.
A smile is a curve|that can set alot|of things straight.
A thing not worth doing|isn't worth doing well.
A thing of beauty is a joy forever.||- Keats
A wise man can see more from a mountain top|than a fool can from the bottom of a well.
A year spent in Artificial Intelligence|is enough to make one believe in God.
A zygote is a gamete's way of producing more gametes.
APL is a write only language:|You can write programs in it,|but try and read them!
Above all else - sky.
Accident:|| A condition in which presence of mind is good,| but absence of body is better.
According to the latest official figures,|43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
Accuracy:|| The vice of being right
Acting is an art which consists of|keeping the audience from coughing.
Adding manpower to a late|software project makes it later.||-- F. Brooks.
Admiration:|| Our polite recognition of another's| resemblance to ourselves.
Adult:|| One old enough to know better.
Afternoon:|| That part of the day we spend worrying| about how we wasted the morning.
Age is a high|price to pay|for maturity.
Age isn't important|unless you're a cheese.
Air pollution is a mist demeanor.
Alia jacta est. (The die is cast.)||- Julius Caesar| after crossing the Rubicon
All cats are gray in the dark.||- Benjamin Franklin
All excellent things are as|difficult as they are rare.||- Benedict Spinoza
All people smile|in the same language.
All serious daring starts from within.||- Eudora Welty
All the world's a stage|and the people on it are poorly rehearsed.
All work and no play,|will make you a manager.
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence,|and then success is sure.||- Mark Twain
Always yield to temptation,|for it may not pass your way again.
Ambition is a poor excuse for|not having sense enough to be lazy.||- Charlie McCarthy
An American is a person who isn't afraid to|criticize the President - but is always|polite to traffic cops.
An adequate bootstrap is a contradiction in terms.
An authority is somebody who can tell you|more about something than you really care to know.
An egotist is a person of low taste,|more interested in himself than in me.||- Ambrose Bierce
An engineer is someone who does list processing in Fortran.
An expert always has a great|reason for guessing wrong.
An honest politician is one who,|when bought, stays bought.
An idea is not responsible|for the people who believe in it.
An optimist laughs to forget.|A pessimist forgets to laugh.
And you may ask yourself,|Well...how did I get here?
Anthony's Law of Force:|| Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
Antonym:|| The opposite of the word| you're trying to think of.
Any IC protected by a fast acting fuse|will protect the fuse by blowing first.
Any given program:|| Once running, is obsolete.
Any given program:|| Will expand to fill all available resources.
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
April hath put a spirit of|youth in every thing.||- William Shakespeare
Archaeologists take sedimental journeys.
As a goat herd learns his trade by goat,|so a writer learns his trade by wrote.
As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality,|they are not certain; and as far as they are certain,|they do not refer to reality.||- Einstein
As the trials of life continue to take their toll,|remember that there is always a future in Computer Maintenance.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Atheist:|| A man with no invisible| means of support.
Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
Babies are god's opinion|that the world should go on.
Barometer:|| An ingenious instrument which indicates| what kind of weather we are having.
Be alert.|America needs more lerts.
Be like a postage stamp- stick to|one thing until you get there.||- Josh Billings
Be self-reliant and your success is assured.
Be sincere|-- even if you don't mean it.
Bedfellows make strange politicians.
Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
Behind every successful man:||A surprised mother-in-law.
Behind every successful woman: herself.
Better a girl has beauty than brains because boys see|better than they think.|| - Unknown
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool|than to speak and remove all doubt.
Better to use medicines at the outset|than at the last moment.
Between two evils,|I always pick the one I never tried before.||- Mae West.
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.||- Thoreau
Beware the above code,|I have only proved it correct,|not tested it.||- Donald Knuth
Biology grows on you.
Blame Saint Andreas - it's all his fault.
Blessed are they who Go Around in Circles,|for they Shall be Known as Wheels.
Bourgeois morality is largely a system of making|cheap virtues a cloak for expensive vices.||- George Bernard Shaw
Brain:|| The apparatus with which we think that we think.
Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience.
By all means marry.||If you get a good wife, you will become very happy;|if you get a bad one, you will become a philosopher| - and that is good for every man.||- Socrates
By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
By failing to prepare,|you are preparing to fail.
By following the good, you learn to be good.
Bye's First Law of Model Railroading:|| Anytime you wish to demonstrate something,| the number of faults encountered is proportional| to the number of viewers.
COBOL programs are an exercise in Artificial Inelegance.
Cabbage:|| A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable| about as large and wise as a man's head.
California is a fine place to live -|if you happen to be an orange.||- Fred Allen
Can a dog simulate pain, or is it too honest?
Careful planning will|never replace dumb luck.
Carelessly planned projects take three times longer|to complete than expected; carefully planned projects|only twice as long.
Carpenters are just plane folks.
Celibacy is NOT hereditary.
Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you;|if you don't bet, you can't win.
Chaste makes waste.
Chastity is its own punishment.
Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap.
Chemistry professors never die, they just fail to react.
Chemistry professors never die, they just smell that way!
Chicken: the egg's way of making more eggs.
Children are natural mimics who act like their parents|despite every effort to teach them good manners.
Children seldom misquote you.|In fact, they usually repeat word for word|what you shouldn't have said.
Chisolm's Third Law, Corollary 1:|| If you explain so clearly that no one| can misunderstand, somebody will.
Chisolm's Third Law, Corollary 2:|| If you do something which you are sure| will meet with everyone's approval,| somebody won't like it.
Civilization is a method of|living, an attitude of equal|respect for all men.||- Jane Addams
Computer programmers never die, they just get lost in the processing.
Computers can never replace human stupidity.
Condense soup, not books!
Condense soup, not books.
Confession is good for the soul,|but bad for the career.
Confucius say:||All work and no play|make one rich.
Conscience is the inner voice|that warns us somebody is looking.
Conversation:|| A vocal competition in which the one who| is catching his breath is called the listener.
Conversation enriches the understanding,|but solitude is the soul of genius.
Core error -- bus dumped.
Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal,|if you don't use your thumbs.
Counting in binary is just like counting in decimal,|if you are all thumbs.
Coward:|| One who in a perilous emergency| thinks with his legs.
Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
Crime wouldn't pay, if the government ran it.
Cutting remarks|don't cut any ice.
Cynic:|| One who looks through rose-colored glasses| with a jaundiced eye.
Dawn:|| The time when men of reason go to bed.
Deliberation:|| The act of examining one's bread| to determine which side it is buttered on.
Democracy is a form of government in which|it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country|could do under first-class management.||- Senator Soaper
Diets are for people who|are thick and tired of it.
Digital circuits are made from analog parts.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy"|until you can find a rock.
Do it today!||Tommorrow it will be bad|for your health or illegal.
Do not clog intellect's sluices|with knowledge of questionable uses.
Do not drink coffee in early A.M.|It will keep you awake until noon.
Do not underestimate the power of the Force.
Do not worry about whether or not the sun will shine.|Just be prepared to enjoy it.
Do unto others|as though you were the other.
Do you always hit the nail|right on the thumb?
Documentation is the castor oil of programming ...
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Don's Axiom:|| When all else fails,| read the instructions.
Don't be mad about growing old,|some aren't that lucky.
Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted.
Don't believe everything you hear|or anything you say.
Don't eat the yellow snow.
Don't get discouraged...|no one is perfickt.
Don't get yourself involved with|persons or situations that can't bear inspection.
Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon.
Don't judge a book by its movie.
Don't keep doing what doesn't work.
Don't let school interfere with your education.
Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
Don't sweat it - it's only ones and zeros.
Don't tell any big lies today.|Small ones can be just as effective.
Don't try to have the last word.|You might get it.
Don't worry over what other people|are thinking about you. They're too busy|worrying over what you are thinking about them.
Don't wrestle a pig in a mud hole.|You both get all dirty, and the pig enjoys it.
Down with categorical imperatives!
Drilling for oil is boring.
Duct tape is like the force.|It has a light side, a dark side,|and it holds the universe together....||- Carl Zwanzig
Due to a shortage of devoted followers,|the production of great leaders has been discontinued.
Early to bed makes you|healthy, wealthy and boring.
Easier to rule a nation than a son.
Eat yogurt and get culture.
Economics is called the dismal science,|but that's just because most economists are dismal scientists.
Economy makes men independent.
Editing is a rewording activity.
Education's purpose is to replace an|empty mind with an open one.||- Malcom S. Forbes
Electricity travels a foot in a nanosecond.||- Commodore Grace Murray Hopper, USN
Eliminate government waste no matter how much it costs.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Eschew clever rules.||- Jon Condon, Bell Labs
Even if the story isn't true, it|does have a grain of sense and|instruction to it, and it's entertaining|as well, so it's worth the telling.
Even the boldest zebra|fears the hungry lion.
Even the smallest candle|burns brighter in the dark.
Ever stop to think|and then forget to start again?
Ever think about the fact|that thorn bushes have roses?
Every man is a volume,|if you know how to read him.
Every purchase has its price.
Every successful person has had|failures but repeated failure is|no guarantee of eventual success.
Every time I lose weight,|it finds me again.
Every time I lose weight,|It finds me again!
Every why hath a wherefore.
Everyone complains of his memory,|no one of his judgment.
Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
Everything bows to success, even grammar.
Everything we call real is made of|things that cannot be regarded as real.||- Neils Bohr
Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.
Experience is that marvelous thing|that enables you recognize a mistake|when you make it again.||- F. P. Jones
Experience should be a guide post,|but not a hitching post.
Experiments should be reproducible,|they should all fail in the same way.
Expertise in one field does not|carry over into other fields.|But experts often think so.
F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a drn!.
Fact:||Red lights always last|longer than green ones.
Failure is never fatal|and success is never final.
Failure teaches success.
Faith goes out through the window|when beauty comes in at the door.
Familiarity breeds attempt.
Familiarity breeds.
Far duller than a serpent's tooth|it is to spend a quiet youth.
Fashion is a form of ugliness|so intolerable that we have|to alter it every six months.||- Oscar Wilde
Few people are successful unless|a lot of other people want them to be.||- Charles Brower
Finagle's Fourth Law:|| Once a job is messed up, anything done| to improve it makes it worse.
Finagle's First Law:|| If an experiment works,| something has gone wrong.
First Law of Advice:|| The correct advice is| to give the advice| that is desired.
Flying is the art of throwing yourself at the ground... and missing!
For those of you who think life is a joke,|just think of the punchline.
Forgive your enemies,|but never forget their names.
Fortune truly helps those|who are of good judgment.
Found on a door in the MSU music building:|This door is baroquen, please wiggle Handel.|(If I wiggle Handel, will it wiggle Bach?)
Freedom is doing what you like.|Happiness liking what you do.
Friction is a drag.
Friends are people|you can be quiet with.
From listening comes wisdom|and from speaking repentance.
Furious activity is|no substitute for understanding.||- H. H. Williams
GIVE: Support the helpless victims of computer error.
Genetics explains why you|look like your father,|and if you don't, why you should.
Genius is an infinite|capacity for taking pains.||- Jane Ellice Hopkins
Genius is ten percent inspiration and fifty percent capital gains.
Give what you have.|To someone it may be better|than you dare to think.||- Longfellow
Go placidly amid the noise and waste,|and remember what value there may be|in owning a piece thereof.
God does not play dice with the universe.||- Einstein
God forbid that I should be|out of debt, as if, indeed I|could not be trusted.||- Rebelais
God gives us relatives;|thank God we can choose our friends.
God is real, unless declared integer.
Gone today, gone tomorrow.
Good judgment comes from experience,|and experience comes from bad judgment.||- Fred Brooks| University of North Carolina
Graffiti has changed deface of the nation.
Great minds discuss ideas;|small ones, people.
Gumperson's Law:|| The probability of anything happening| is inversely proportional to its desirability.
Handle yourself with your head,|handle others with your heart
Happiness is wanting what you have.
Happiness is just an illusion,|filled with sadness and confusion.
He is happiest who hath power|to gather wisdom from a flower.||- Mary Howitt
He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
He is truly wise who gains|wisdom from another's mishap.
He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.
He that can have patience|can have what he will.||- Benjamin Franklin
He that is a donkey and believes himself a deer|finds out his mistake at the leaping of the ditch.
He who falls in love with himself|will have no rivals.
He who has a why to live for|can bear with almost any how.||- Nietzsche
He who has had, has been,|but he who hasn't been, has been had.
He who has imagination|without learning has wings but no feet.
He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.
He who has a shady past|knows that nice guys finish last.
He who hesitates is last.
He who is good for making excuses|is seldom good for anything else.
He who knows all the answers|is never asked the questions.
He who laughs last|probably doesn't understand the joke.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Help me Obiwan Kenobi,|you're my only hope.
Help stamp out and abolish redundancy!
Here comes the orator,|with his flood of words|and his drop of reason.
Hindsight is an exact science.
History books which contain|no lies are extremely dull.
History doesn't repeat itself.|Historians merely repeat each other.
Home is the nicest place you will ever go.
Horse sense is the thing a horse|has which keeps it from betting on people.||- W.C. Fields
Hot dogs are best|when served with a ballgame.
How can a man die with|sage in his garden?
How many "coming men" has one known!|Where on earth do they all go to?
How much would you pay for the secrets of the universe?|But wait!|You also get a combination spaghetti pot and clam steamer.|Now how much would you pay?
I disagree with what you say,|but will defend to the death your right|to tell such LIES!
I don't have any solution|but I certainly admire the problem.||- Ashleigh Brilliant
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys|were a toaster and a radio.|| - Joan Rivers
I like the word `indolence.'|It makes my laziness seem classy.||- Bern Williams
I may not be totally perfect,|but parts of me are excellent.||- Ashleigh Brilliant
I never met a man I didn't like.||- Will Rogers
I sold my memoirs of my love life|to Parker Brothers and they are|going to make a game out of it.|| - Woody Allen
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.|| - Woody Allen
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly.|I said I don't know.||- Mark Twain
I work--other people call it art.
I'm a great believer in luck.|The harder I work the more I have of it.||- Thomas Jefferson
I'm not afraid to die.|I just don't want to be there when it happens.|| - Woody Allen
I'm opposed to millionaires, but|it would be dangerous to offer me the position.||- Mark Twain
Idealism increases in proportion|to the distance from the problem.
Idleness is the holiday of fools.
If God had intended man to have computers,|he would have given him 16 fingers.
If God had wanted you to go around nude,|He would have given you bigger hands.
If I had only known,|I would have been a locksmith.||- Albert Einstein
If a program is useless,|it will have to be documented.
If a program is useful,|it will have to be changed.
If a rabbit's foot is so lucky,|what happened to the rabbit?
If a system doesn't have to be reliable,|it can do anything else.||- H. H. Williams
If all the year were playing holidays,|to sport would be as tedious as to work.||- Wm Shakespeare
If at first you don't succeed,|you'll get lots of advice.
If at first you don't succeed,|give up; no use being a damn fool.
If at first you don't succeed,|you're doing about average.
If at first you don't succeed,|try something else.
If computers take over (which seems to be|their natural tendency), it will serve us right.||- Alistair Cooke.
If debugging is the process of removing bugs,|then programming must be the process of putting them in.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.||- Ronald Reagan
If it weren't for pickpockets,|I'd have no sex life at all.|| - Rodney Dangerfield
If little else, the brain|is an educational toy.||- Tom Robbins
If nobody measures up,|check your yardstick.
If one does not fail at times,|then one has not challenged himself.||- Dr. Porsche
If people listened to themselves more often,|they'd talk less.
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
If some people didn't tell you,|you'd never know they'd been away on vacation.
If someone had told me|I would be Pope one day,|I would have studied harder.||- Pope John Paul I
If we do not change our direction|we are likely to end up where we are headed.
If we learn for each success, and each failure,|and improve ourselves through this process,|then, at the end, we will have fulfilled our|potential and performed well.||- Dr. Porsche
If you always postpone pleasure|you will never have it.
If you can spend a perfectly useless|afternoon in a perfectly useless manner,|you have learned how to live.||- Lin Yutang
If you can't say something nice,|say something surrealistic.||- Zippy the Pinhead
If you continually give|you will continually have.
If you have too many special cases,|you are doing it wrong.||- Craig Zerouni, Computer FX Ltd.
If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.
If you itch for it,|scratch for it.
If you knew what Mona Lisa knew, you'd smile too.
If you lie to the computer, it will get you.||- Perry Farrar
If you love life,|it will love you back.
If you make people think they're thinking,|they'll love you; but if you really make|them think they'll hate you.
If you put your supper dish to your ear|you can hear the sounds of a restaurant.||- Snoopy
If you suspect a man, don't employ him.
If you think|you have no faults,|that makes one.
If you think you must find|someone worthy of your love,|you never will.
If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.
If you would keep a secret from an enemy,|tell it not to a friend.
If your feet smell and your nose runs - you're built upside down.
Ignorance doesn't kill you, but|it makes you sweat a lot.||- Haitian Proverb
Imagination is the one weapon|in the war against reality.||- Jules de Gaultier
Immanuel Kant but Kubla Khan.
In Case of Fire|... yell "FIRE".
In GOD we trust|-- all others require a thorough credit check.
In a family argument,|if it turns out you are right -|apologize at once!
In a fight between you and the world, back the world.
In case of doubt,|make it sound convincing.
In matters of conscience,|the law of majority has no place.||- Mohandas Gandhi
In software systems it is often the early bird that makes the worm.
In times like these, it helps to|recall that there have always been|times like these.||- Paul Harvey
Incompetence knows no barriers|of time or place.
Individualists unite!
Ingrate:|| A man who bites the hand that feeds him,| and then complains of indigestion.
Inside every big problem is|a small problem trying to get out.
Internal consistency is|more highly valued than efficiency.
Is a computer language with goto's totally Wirth-less?
It is a poor judge who cannot award a prize.
It is bad luck to be superstitious.||- Andrew W. Mathis
It is better to have loved|and lost than to have hated and won.
It is better to be wise|than to be smart.
It is better to have loved a short man|than never to have loved a tall.
It is better to wear out than to rust out.
It is easier to get|forgiveness than permission.
It is easier to write an incorrect program|than to understand a correct one.
It is far better to be deceived|than to be undeceived by those we love.
It is impossible to get anywhere|without sinning against reason.||- Einstein
It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly|unless one has plenty of work to do.
It is impossible to make anything|foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
It is morally wrong|to allow suckers to keep their money.
It is much easier to suggest solutions|when you know nothing about the problem.
It is not enough to have a good mind.|The main thing is to use it well.||- Descartes
It is not only what we do, but|also what we do not do|for which we are accountable.||- Moliere
It is the business of the future|to be dangerous.||- Hawkwind
It isn't the whistle|that moves the train.
It seems like the less a statesman|amounts to, the more he loves the flag.
It takes about ten years to get used to how old you are.|| - Unknown
It takes both a weapon,|and two people, to commit a murder.
It's a good thing we don't|get all the government we pay for.||- Will Rogers
It's a poor workman who blames his tools.
It's always easy to see both sides|of an issue we are not particularly concerned about.
It's amazing how much "mature wisdom"|resembles being too tired.
It's easier to do good than be good.
It's easy to suggest the solution|when you don't know the problem.
It's not reality that's important,|but how you perceive things.
It's one o'clock and time for lunch.|Dum de dum de dee ...
It's sweet to be remembered,|but it's often cheaper to be forgotten.
Its hard to be graceful|getting off your high horse.
Jargon is used as a means of|succeeding by not simplifying.
Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.
Jones' Motto:|| Friends may come and go,| but enemies accumulate.
Judge people by what they are,|not where they are.
Just because you're paranoid|doesn't mean they're not really after you.
Just because your doctor has|a name for your condition doesn't|mean he knows what it is.
Justice:|| A decision in your favor.
Keep grandmothers off the streets - legalize bingo.
Keep your words soft and sweet,|in case you have to eat them.
Kin:|| An affliction of the blood.
Kindness is like a boomerang:|it always comes back.
Kitman's Law:|| Pure drivel tends| to drive away ordinary drivel.
Klein bottle for rent - inquire within.
Knowledge is knowing that you don't know.
La vache qui rit est jolie.|(Laughing cows are pretty.)
Laugh, and the world ignores you.|Crying doesn't help either.
Laughter: the no side-effect tranquilizer.
Law of Communications:|| The result of improved and enlarged| communications is a vastly increased| area of misunderstanding.
Learning isn't a means to an end;|it is an end in itself.||- Robert A. Heinlein
Lend money to a bad debtor|and he will hate you.
Lest men suspect your tale untrue,|Keep probability in view.||-- John Gay (1727)
Let a fool hold his tongue|and he will pass for a sage.
Let a fool hold his tongue|and he will pass for a sage.
Let the wookie win.
Let us remember that ours is a nation of lawyers and order.
Lie:|| A very poor substitute for the truth,| but the only one discovered to date.
Life and liberty are safe|only when congress is in recess.
Life has a value only when it|has something valuable as its object.||- Hegel
Life is a horse:||either you ride it|or it rides you.
Life is like an onion:| you peel off layer after layer,| then you find there is nothing in it.
Life is like a diaper - short and loaded.
Life is only understood backward,|but must be lived forward.
Life itself is a race, marked by a start,|and a finish. It is what we learn during|the race, and how we apply it, that|determines whether our participation|has had particular value.||- Dr. Porsche
Like as the waves make towards the pebbled shore,|so do our minutes hasten to their end.||- William Shakespeare
Lord Falkland's Rule:|| When it is not necessary to make a decision,| it is necessary not to make a decision.
Love and scandal are|the best sweeteners of tea.
Love comforteth like sunshine after rain.||- William Shakespeare
Love isn't that difficult--if it is,|then you are taking yourself too seriously.
Mad:|| Affected with a high degree| of intellectual independence
Make a living,|but make room for life.
Man and wife make one fool.
Man is the only animal that blushes-|or needs to.||- Mark Twain
Man who falls in vat of molten optical glass makes spectacle of self.
Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.
Managers know it must be good because the programmers hate it so much.
Many a family tree needs trimming.
Marriage is the only adventure|open to the cowardly.||- Voltaire
Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
Menu:|| A list of dishes which the| restaurant has just run out of.
Midwest farmers are just plain folks.
Minds are like parachutes.|They only work when they're open.
Misery loves company,|but company does not reciprocate.
Misfortune:|| The kind of fortune that never misses.
Mistakes are oft|the stepping stones to failure.
Mobius strippers never show you their back side.
Monday:|| In Christian countries,| the day after the football game.
Money cannot buy love,|nor even friendship.
Money is like a promise,|easier made than kept.
Money is the root of all evil,|and man needs roots.
Money is the root of all wealth.
Money is the root of all evil,|but man needs roots.
Money is truthful.|If a man speaks of his honor,|make him pay cash.
Money may buy friendship|but money cannot buy love.
Money may be the husk of many things,|but not the kernel.||- Henrik Ibsen
Money will say more in one moment|than the most eloquent lover can in years.
Moral:|| Design before you implement.
Morality is a disease which progresses|in three stages: virtue-boredom-syphilis.||-Karl Kraus
Mother Earth is not flat!
Mrs. Ghandi is in a sari state.
Musicians are just playin' folks.
Musicians are just playin' folks.
My interest is in the future|because I am going to spend|the rest of my life there.
Naive you are|If you believe|Life favours those|Who aren't naive.
Nature has given us two ears, two eyes, and but one tongue;|to that end that we should hear and see more than we speak.||- Socrates
Neutrinos have bad breadth.
Never appeal to a man's "better nature".|He may not have one.
Never call a man a fool;|borrow from him.
Never eat more than you can lift.|| - Miss Piggy
Never put off to tomorrow|what you don't really need to do|in the first place.
Never put off till tomorrow|what you can avoid all together.
Never say you know a man until|you have divided an inheritance with him.
Never test for an error condition|you don't know how to handle.
Never underestimate|the power of human stupidity.
Next time, give "the gift that keeps on giving": a female kitten.
Nietzsche is pietzsche, Goethe is murder.
Nihilism should commence with oneself.
No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck.
No generalization is true-|not even this one.
No one can get ahead of you when|they're kicking you in the rear.
No one ever listened himself out of a job.||- Calvin Coolidge
No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
Nobody can be as agreeable|as an uninvited guest.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Not only does God play dice with the universe,|but sometimes he throws them where they cannot be seen.||- Stephen Hawking
Not only is the Universe stranger than we think,|it is stranger than we can think.||- Werner Heisenberg
Nothing astonishes men so much|as common sense and plain dealing.
Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.||- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nothing great was ever|achieved without enthusiasm.||- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nothing increases|your golf score|like witnesses.
Nothing is impossible for the man|who doesn't have to do it himself.
Now and then an innocent man|is sent to the legislature.
Ocean:|| A body of water occupying about| two-thirds of a world made for man-| who has no gills.
Of all forms of caution,|caution in love is the most fatal.
Of all forms of caution,|caution in love is the most fatal.
Often statistics are used|as a drunken man uses lamp posts-|for support rather than illumination.
Oh, what tangled webs we weave|When we first practice to deceive.||- Sir Walter Scott
Oil will be discovered in your backyard,|and the taxes will bankrupt you.
Oil will be discovered in your backyard.
Old doughnut makers never die,|they just get tired of the hole business.
Old frogs never die...| but they do croak.
Old men are fond of giving|good advice to console themselves|for their inability to give bad examples.
Old musicians never die, they just decompose.
Old people shouldn't eat health foods,|they need all the preservatives they can get.|| - Robert Orben
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
On y soit, qui mal y pense.|(You are what you think.)
Once made equal to man,|woman becomes his superior.||- Socrates
One family builds a wall,|two families enjoy it.
One lie or one peanut...| one leads to another.
One man tells a falsehood,|a hundred repeat it as true.
One of t' flayrods gone out of skew on t' treadle.
One person's constant is|another person's variable.||- Susan Gerhart| Micorelectronics and| Computer Technology Corp
Only a ballplayer's errors| are published every day.
Only a sadistic scoundrel- or a fool-|tells the bald truth on social occasions.
Only fools say it can't be done.
Organization is the enemy of improvisation.
Our bodies are our gardens, to which|our wills are gardeners.||- William Shakespeare
Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good|we oft might win by fearing to attempt.||- William Shakespeare
Our houseplants have a good sense of humous.
Ours is a world where people|don't know what they want and|are willing to go through hell to get it.
Over the hill:||When your back goes out|more than you do.
PI seconds is a nanocentury.||- Tom Duff, Bell Labs
Parkinson's Second Law:|| Expenditures rise to meet income.
Parkinson's First Law:|| Work expands to fill the| time available for its completion.
Part-time musicians are semiconductors.
Patience is something that you admire|greatly in the driver behind you|but not in the one ahead of you.
People who have no faults are terrible;|there is no way of taking advantage of them.
People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.
People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.
Plagiarism is the sincerest form of flattery.
Please fasten seat belts.
Please insert another quarter|and try again.
Plus ca change,|plus c'est la meme chose.
Postmen never die.|They just lose their zip.
Power does not corrupt fools,| but fools corrupt power.
Practiss makes perfict.
Pray for what you want|but work for what you need.
Predestination was doomed from the start.
Preserve the old, but know the new.
Pro is to con as|progress is to Congress.
Problems worthy of attack|Prove their worth by hitting back.||-- Piet Hein
Profanity is the one language|all programmers know best.||- Troutman's Second| Programming Postulate
Program complexity grows until|it exceeds the capability of the|programmer who must maintain it.
Prolonged contact with computers|turns mathematicians into clerks|and vice versa.
Promptness is its own reward,|if one lives by the clock|instead of the sword.
Proper treatment can cure|a cold in seven days-|but left to itself|it'll hang on for a week.
Pros are people who do jobs well|even when they don't feel like it.
Prosperity is when your conversation changes|from car pools to swimming pools.
Put not your trust in money,|but put your money in trust.
Put your brain in gear|before starting your mouth.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Read the best books first or|you may not have a change to|read them at all.||- Thoreau
Reality is for people who can't face science fiction.
Reality is a crutch for people|who can't handle science fiction.
Receipt being printed...|Pull out card and remove your cash.
Remember that two wrongs|do not make a right-|but that three lefts do.
Remember, even if you|win the rat race-|you're still a rat.
Remember, the paper is always strongest at the perforations.
Remember, the fact that you're paranoid|doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you!
Reputation:|| What others are not thinking about you.
Respect must be earned,| not commanded.
Revelation is always|measured by capacity.||- Margaret Fairless Barber
Rosebud!||- Charles Foster Kane (Orson Wells)| in Citizen Kane
Rumor is a pipe blown by surmises, jealousies, conjectures.||- William Shakespeare
Running a business is about|95% people and 5% economics.
SDRAWKCAB spelled backwards is backwards.
Sacred cows make great hamburgers.
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
Satire does not look pretty|upon a tombstone.
Sattinger's Law:|| It works better if you plug it in.
Say nothing, and they think you're stupid.|Talk, and they know for sure.
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
Sevareid's Law:|| The chief cause of problems is solutions.
Shanahan's Law:|| The length of a meeting rises| with the square of the number of people present.
Shared pain is lessened;|shared joy is increased.
Shift to the left,|shift to the right,|mask in, mask out,|BYTE, BYTE, BYTE !!!
Silence cannot be misquoted.
Sin has many tools, but a lie|is the handle which fits them all.
Smattering of everything and|a knowledge of nothing.
So many times those who have nothing to say|cannot be persuaded to remain silent.
Solitude:||A great place to visit,|but a bad place to stay.
Some men are discovered;|others are found out.
Some people carve careers, others chisel them.
Some people believe anything|if you whisper it.
Some people aren't hard of hearing,|but hard of listening.
Some rise by sin|and some by virtue fall.
Stalin's grave was a communist plot.
Stop searching happiness|it's just next to you.
Streakers repent! Your end is in sight.
Success has a thousand fathers,|but failure is an orphan.
Success is getting up just one more time than you've fallen down.
Success isn't how far you got,|but the distance you travelled|from where you started.
Success means getting up|just one more time than|you've fallen down.
Sure, 90% of all software is crap.|That's because 90% of everything is crap.||- Mary Shaw| Carnegie-Mellon University
Sweer's Impossibility Theorem:|| Nothing can be both completely| general and internally consistent| at the same time.
Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semi-colons.
Tact is rubbing out another's|mistake instead of rubbing it in.
Tact is, after all, a kind|of mind reading.||- Sarah Orne Jewett
Take care of the luxuries and the|necessities will take care of themselves.
Take care of the luxuries and|the necessities will|take care of themselves.
Talk is cheap|unless you hire a lawyer.
Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
Teachers have class.
Teaching a pig to sing|wastes your time and|only annoys the pig.
Tell a child he got 1 right,| not 99 wrong.
The DREA Law:|| Under the most rigorously controlled| conditions, the experimental apparatus| will do exactly as it pleases.
The Law of Selective Gravity|(The Buttered Side Down Law):|| An object will fall so| as to do the most damage.
The Maintainer's Motto:|| If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.||- Lt. Col. Walt Weir, USA
The Tao person|lives fully in every moment
The attacker must vanquish;|the defender need only survive.
The attempt to understand the universe|is one of the only things that elevates|the human condition from farce to|the elegance of tragedy.||- Steven Weinberg| Nobel Laureate in Physics 1979
The average woman would rather|have beauty than brains, because|the average man can see better|than he can think.
The bearing of a child takes nine months,|no matter how many women are assigned to the project.
The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland";|but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
The best cure for insomnia|is a Monday morning.||- Sandy Cooley
The best prophet of the future is the past.
The best way to keep your friends|is not to give them away.
The biggest mistake that you can make|is to believe that you are working|for somebody else.
The cheapest, fastest and most|reliable components of a computer|system are those that aren't there.||- Gordon Bell| Encore Computer Corp
The cost of liberty is less than the price of oppression.
The cow is nothing but a machine|with makes grass fit for us people to eat.||- John McNulty
The difference between|ideas and results|is a good manager.
The entire sum of existence is|the magic of being needed by|just one person.||- Vii Putnam
The expert is a person who avoids the small errors|as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy.
The eyes believe themselves;|the ears believe other people.
The first forty years of life give us the text;|the next thirty supply the commentary on it.
The future isn't what it used to be. (It never was.)
The future is purchased by the present.||- Samuel Johnson
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
The goal of science is to build|better mousetraps. The goal of nature|is to build better mice.
The greatest ability|is dependability.
The greatest pleasure:||Doing what they said|couldn't be done.
The groundwork of all happiness is health.||- Leigh Hunt
The hardest thing is to disguise|your feelings when you put a lot|of relatives on the train for home.
The highest happiness of|man is to have probed what|is knowable and quietly to|revere what is unknowable||- Goethe
The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity.|The rest is overhead for the operating system.
The job's not over|until the paperwork's done.
The least experienced fisherman|always catches the biggest fish.
The life which is unexamined|is not worth living.||- Plato
The light of a hundred stars|does not equal the light of the moon.
The minute a man is convinced|that he is interesting, he isn't.
The more things change,|the more they'll never be the same again.
The more you say,|the less people remember.
The more you run over a dead cat,|the flatter it gets.
The more you cultivate people the more you turn up clods.
The only dope worth shooting is Nixon.
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that|I could hear heavy breathing again|| - Erma Bombeck
The only reason some people get lost|in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.||- Paul Fix
The only rose without thorns is friendship.
The only short meetings|are when no one shows up.
The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.
The past does not repeat itself,|but it rhymes.||- Mark Twain
The person who wakes up|and finds himself a success|hasn't been asleep.
The person who is all wrapped up in himself is overdressed.
The plural of spouse is spice.
The principal mark of genius|is not perfection but originality,|the opening of new frontiers.||- Arthur Koestler
The probability of someone|watching you is proportional|to the stupidity of your action.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The reason the government thinks you're just a number|is because it's just a machine.
The right to do something does|not mean that doing it is right.||- William Safire
The rooster may crow,|but the hen delivers.
The rumors of my death are greatly exaggerated.
The shortest distance between|two points is under construction.
The shortest distance between two points is usually under construction.
The structure of a system reflects|the structure of the organization|that built it.||- Richard Fairley, Wang Institute
The system is not quite as rickety|as I have been telling you.||- Ralph Gorin
The thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts.
The truth of a proposition|has nothing to do with its credibility.|And vice versa.
The value of a program is|proportional to the weight|of its output.
The way to gain a good reputation is to endeavor to be|what you desire to appear.||- Socrates
The way to make a small fortune|in the commodities market is to|start with a large fortune.
The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.
The wise shepherd never trusts|his flock to a smiling wolf.
The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them,|but to be indifferent to them,|that's the essence of inhumanity.
The years teach us much|the days never knew.||- Ralph Waldo Emerson
There are few people more|often in the wrong than those|who cannot endure to be thought so.
There are more old drunkards|than old doctors.
There are two kinds of people in this world:|Those that want to BE something,|and those that want to DO something.|(There is less competition in the second category.)
There are two ways to write error-free programs;|only the third one works.
There is a great discovery still|to be made in Literature: |that of paying literary men|by the quantity they do NOT write.
There is no time like the present|for postponing what you ought to be doing.
There is no force of gravity as such.|Rather, a celestial body|merely pays attention to what|it finds in its neighborhood.||- Einstein
There is no 'try', only 'do'.
There would be no progress without|deviation from the norm.||- Frank Zappa
There's a sucker born every minute.||- P.T. Barnum
There's always one more bug.
There's at least one fool|in every married couple.
There's never time to do it right,|only time to do it over.
These days govt. is a four letter word.
They are able because they|think they are able.||- Virgil
They who provide much wealth for their children|but neglect to improve them in virtue,|do like those who feed their horses high,|but never train them to be useful.||- Socrates
Things are more like they used|to be than they are now.
Thinking is wise.|Planning is better.|Doing is best.
Third Law of Advice:|| Simple advice is the best advice.
This fortune is inoperative. Please try another.
Those of you who think you know|everything are annoying those of us who do.
Those who are war with others|are not at peace with themselves.||- William Hazlitt
Those who are not shocked when they|first come across quantum theory,|cannot possibly have understood it.||- Neils Bohr
Those who can't write, write manuals.
Those who can, do.|Those who can't, teach.|Those who can't teach, administrate.
Those who can, do.|Those who can't, simulate.
Those who do the most|usually demand the least.
Those who flee temptation|generally leave a forwarding address.||- Lane Olinghouse
Three can keep a secret,|if two of them are dead.
Tilting at windmills|hurts you more than the windmills.
Time flies like an arrow;|fruit flies like a banana.||- Groucho Marx
Time is just nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
Time is nature's way of|making sure that everything|doesn't happen at once.
Time is nature's way of making sure|that everything doesn't happen at once.
Time is the image of eternity.||- Diogenes
Time travel may be fun,|but there's no future in it.
To be born rich is an accident; to die rich is a miracle.
To criticize the incompetent is easy;|it is more difficult to criticize the competent.
To criticize the incompetent is easy;|it is more difficult to criticize the competent.
To do nothing|is in every man's power.
To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
To err is human-|to blame it on a computer|is even more so.
To err is human.|To blame it on someone else|is more human.
To get a loan|you must prove|you don't need it.
To keep your friends treat them kindly;|to kill them, treat them often.
To laugh at men of sense|is the privilege of fools.
To pity is a degree of love.
To prosper, step softly on new blades of grass.
To refuse praise is to seek praise twice.
To regret nothing|is the beginning of wisdom.
To think too long about doing|a thing often becomes its undoing.||- Eva Young
Today is the last day of your life so far.
Today's newspapers will be wrapping tomorrow's fish.
Too busy to laugh?|Then you're too busy.
Too much of a good thing|can be wonderful.
Trifles make perfection and|perfection is no trifle.||- Michelangelo
Trying to squash a rumor|is like trying to un-ring a bell.||- Shana Alexander
Two wrongs do not make a right: |it usually takes three or more.
Unwritten laws can not be erased.
Violence is the last refuge|of the incompetent.||- Salvador Hardin
Want to forget all your troubles?| Wear tight shoes.
We are tied down to a|language which makes up|in obscurity what it|lacks in style.
We are what we do;|consequently, excellence is not an act but a habit.||-- Aristotle
We didn't inherit the land| from our fathers.|We are borrowing it from| our children.||- Amish Belief
We have met the enemy|and not only is he ours,|he is us.||- Walt Kelly
We learn from history that|we don't learn from history.
We may not imagine how our lives|could be more frustrating and|complex- but Congress can.||- Cullen Hightower
We prefer to speak evil|of ourselves than not speak|of ourselves at all.
We promise according to|our hopes, and perform|according to our fears.
We read to say that we have read.
We really don't have any|enemies. It's just that some|of our best friends|are trying to kill us.
We will release no software before its time.
Wealth awaits you in a land far from your birthplace.
Wer zuletzt lacht, lacht am besten.|(He who laughs last laughs best)
Wernher von Braun settled for a V-2 when he coulda had a V-8.
Westheimer's Time Estimation Rule:|| Estimate the time you think| it should take, multiply by 2,| add 3, and change the unit of| measure to the next higher unit.
What is a man, if his chief good and market of his time,|be but to sleep and feed? A beast, no more!||- William Shakespeare
What is valuable is not new,|but what is new is not valuable.
What makes us so bitter against|people who outwit us is that they|think themselves cleverer than we are.
What no spouse of a writer can|ever understand is that a writer|is working when he's staring|out the window.
What orators lack in depth|they make up in length.
What passes for woman's intuition|is often nothing more than|man's transparency.
What we love we shall grow to resemble.||- Bernard of Clairvaux
What we need is an enthusiastic but calm state of mind and|intense but orderly work. -- Mao Tse-Tung
What you are,|not what you have,|is what makes you rich.
What you see can depend|on what you look for.
Whatever you have lost will be found|but not for a while.
When God endowed human beings|with brains, He did not intend|to guarantee them.
When a man's willing and eager,|the gods join in.||- Aeschylus
When in doubt, lead trump.
When in doubt, use brute force.||- Ken Thompson, Bell Labs
When it comes to giving,|some people stop at nothing.
When money talks|there are few interruptions.
When the fox preaches,|beware of the geese.
When the government bureau's|remedies do not match your problem,|you modify the problem, not the remedy.
When the wind is great, bow before it;|when the wind is heavy, yield to it.
When working toward the solution|of a problem, it always helps|if you know the answer.
When you become used to|never being alone, you may|consider yourself Americanized.
When you get what you want,|you don't want it as much.
When you go out to buy,|don't show your silver.
When you kill time|you murder success.
When you save for a long time|to buy something, then you find|that you can't afford it-|that's inflation.
When you try to make an|impression, the chances are|that is the impression|you will make.
When your work speaks|for itself, don't interrupt.
Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.
Where there's a will,|there's inheritance tax.
While money can't buy happiness,|it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
Whiskey is just God's way of making sure|the Irish never rule the world.
White dwarf seeks red giant for binary relationship.
Whoever rows the boat|doesn't have time to rock it.
Whom computers would destroy,|they must first drive insane.
Why can't life's big problems|come when we are twenty|and know everything?
Why did the Roman Empire collapse?|What's the Latin for office automation?
Win without boasting|and lose without excuse.
Winning isn't everything, but then losing is nothing.
Winter is the season in which|people try to keep the house|as warm as it was in the summer,|when they complained about the heat.
Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.
Wisdom:||Knowing what to do|with what you know.
Wise men change their minds,|fools never.
With clothes the new are best,|with friends the old are best.
With clothes the new are best,|with friends the old are best.
Without fools|there would be no wisdom.
Words are the voice of the heart.
Words must be weighed, not counted.
Words must be weighed,|not counted.
Wovon man nicht sprechen kann,|darueber muss man schweigen.||-- Wittgenstein
Wrinkles are sure signs of|where smiles have been.
Xerox never comes up with anything original.
Yamata wasami shuza.
Yes, fish think, but too slowly.
You ain't learning nothing when you're talking.
You are better off not knowing|how sausages and laws are made.
You are in a maze of twisty little sub-directories, all alike.
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike.
You are not thinking.|You are merely being logical.||- Neils Bohr to Einstein| during a debate on Quantum Mechanics
You are not expected to understand this.
You can fool some of the people all of the time,|and all of the people some of the time,|but you can make a fool of yourself anytime.
You can go wrong by being|too skeptical as readily|as by being too trusting.
You can pick your friends,|and you can pick your nose,|but you can't pick your friend's nose.
You can't teach ducks to dance.
You cannot kill time|without injuring eternity.
You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
You have both the desire and ability to express|your many talents and abilities.
You have nail.
You live and you learn-|or you don't live long.
You live in a deranged age, more deranged|that usual, because in spite of great|scientific and technological advances,|man has not the faintest idea of|who he is or what he is doing.||- Walker Percy
You may have mail.
You may have to be patient now.|Think, listen and heed signs.
